Story Time: A Not So Glorious Mom Moment

*Disclaimer- if you have the potential to become offended easily, this story may not be for you.  If you continue reading beyond this point, don’t say I didn’t warn you! However, if you enjoy laughing at the expense of others, carry on. 

One chilly morning 2 years ago I had an unfortunate accident in a semi-public setting. I’ll just be blunt– I shat my pants in public. You’re maybe wondering if this was one of those “thought it was a fart, but it was a shart” scenarios, but let me tell you right now that wasn’t the case. This was nothing more than an “I couldn’t make it to the toilet in time” situations.

It was a So Cal November morning. The air was crisp and the wind was calm. It was one of those perfect early mornings. I had a peaceful vibe, a productive attitude and I was feelin’ myself, so I set out to run errands. Matios and the baby were still sleeping so I took our 2 and 3 year old along with. To add to my excellent morning, I even threw on my favorite jeans and knee high boots instead of my typical athleisure mom look. It was starting out to be a perfect day.

After accomplishing our errands, I decided we should reward ourselves with some Panera Bread. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I was in desperate need for a morning coffee. Against my better judgement, I chose to drink coffee on an empty stomach. Now that I’ve changed my diet and learned to manage my tummy troubles, this is no longer a serious problem for me. On this day, however, I tested the limits.

We were sitting and enjoying each other’s company. Mommy was chillin with her sons and there were no tantrums, or meltdowns. Just smiles, laughs, muffins and toddler level conversation. The moment was perfect. Then suddenly, as the boys were finishing up, I began to feel the “bubble guts”. You know, that feeling you get when your lower abdomen warns you to get to a toilet STAT?! If you are still feeling unclear as to what this feeling is, see Urban Dictionary.

Without hesitation, I decided it was time to get the fux out of there. I decided not to use Panera Bread’s restroom because using a public bathroom to drop a deuce while your toddlers hang with you in the stall,  isn’t an easy task. I wanted to get home and I felt I had time. Personally, I have no probz doing numero dos in a public restroom if I have to. My oh so eloquent philosophy has always been, “when ya gotta go ya gotta go”. Plus, I go quick and courtesy flush knamsayin? BUT, I’m never in the mood to have my children watching me go and yelling “mommy are you pooping?!” for everyone in the bathroom to hear. Clearly in retrospect this would have been the better choice. Now if I have to, I can do it, and have certainly had to do it with 3 crazy toddlers in the stall with me. #Momlyfe ain’t always pretty. However, please hold your applause for my mom skills—you’re most likely about to judge me.

As we made our way to the car, the bubbles and grumbles in my belly grew more intense. I started to think I wasn’t going to make it, but it was too late to turn around. I had already buckled one in his car seat and was headed to get the other in. At this point, I was just hopeful that once I got them in the seats, I could sit down and hold it in long enough to make it home.

Clearly, that is not what happened. Walking around my mini -van, I headed to the driver door and that’s when I lost bowel control. There was no turning back. I rushed into the driver’s seat because at this point, I still had to drive home– I had to use my jacket to sit on in order to prevent my seat from any damage. And so, I pooped myself while wearing jeans and knee-high boots—which would be a very challenging situation when I had to get into the shower at home, but I’ll spare you the details of that shit show (badummm- pssssh).

There you have it. My second time shitting my pants in public. Oh. Did I not mention the first time? That happens to be this one time in Las Vegas at Ceaser’s Palace. But that’s another story for time…

Adventures With Andres 

Andres straight chillin in his Owlette Costume

As a mom of three, I feel as if I’m constantly learning and have a lot to keep up with and recently, I’ve been changing things up around here. Currently, I’m really trying to let my children make their own choices and do more for themselves. I’m not perfect, but this is definitely something I try to build in them. Especially lately. I found how I have prevented this in them in certain ways, so I’m making changes in my behavior that will benefit them. Mainly, I want them to be confident and secure, so I’m trying to allow them make decisions for themselves whenever possible.

Yesterday, we took immanouel to taekwondo, and Andres wanted to wear his Owlette costume with his mask and cape to go with it. We compromised. It was insanely hot so I allowed him to wear the mask and cape to which he agreed with no complaints. Aside from it being too hot, I wasn’t going to try and manage helping him with an entire costume if he had to use them bathroom while we were out! Nope! So we found a middle ground.
Now, Owlette is a character from the show PJ Masks. She is a girl and has some pink in the costume, but he doesn’t seem to notice that, or care. A few months ago, he earned this costume as a reward for pooping in the toilet for 10 days. He used to hold it all day until he had a night time pull up for bed, but now he’s no longer in diapers for bed! Holla! Anyways, this was the reward he wanted– the Owlette costume. It’s probably because he loves capes and I’m so down with him looking up to a female super hero! Needless to say, this will help him build confidence by letting him wear it in public so I was even more excited about this outing!

When we got there, one of the instructors came up to him and said, “wow, I feel so much safer now that you’re here!”

People responded positively and thought it was the cutest thing! Then, a little boy came in and started pointing in Andres’ face saying, “Mommy! Mommy! He’s dressed like a super boy!”

Andres got shy, almost wanting to take it off, but I encouraged him to keep it on. I told him to be confident because he looked so cool! He was excited and continued to wear it and his smile grew.

After class, we went to the grocery store and he wore the outfit the whole time. So there I was, with one kid in a taekwondo uniform, one in costume and one boy wearing a peach onesie! I was that Mom, but people loved it. Oh… And as I write this Andres is wearing his cape. So it’s pretty normal behavior over here for all of us, just unconventional in public. We try not to let it phase us because it’s just who we are!

Moral of this message is just let your kids be themselves! It will help them develop their sense of self, confidence and the ability to make their own decisions. It also helps parents understand them better as individuals and it’s these parenting moments I enjoy the most. Watching their personality grow while at the same time challenging societal norms is the absolute best! Maybe it’s the Sociology major in me…

You have to admit, he looks pretty damn cool.

Mother’s Day

Happy Mother's Day calligraphy image
In my experience, it seems moms have this way of intuitively knowing the struggles we are facing even when we don’t tell them. They have a way of recognizing how our personality and behaviors may influence any challenges we will endure in our lives. Despite what I thought, my mom always knew what I was experiencing even when I didn’t want her to know, or tried to hide it. So, her advice always came at a timely moment. She tried to explain things to me so the shock of any struggle would be less. She was doing her best to prepare me for this world. It’s one of the many difficult roles a mother has. It’s a part of the mother’s job I’m still learning with my own children. Yesterday in the spirit of Mother’s Day, I was surrounded by mommies who continuously inspire and teach me how to be this to my children. It was beautifully moving and I was content.

And of course, there is my own mother. The one who’s known me since I was in her womb. I hugged her and in that moment I wanted her to know and feel how much she means to me. So I hugged her tighter. As she held me I cried because suddenly I was filled with emotion and deep gratitude for everything she’s done, all she’s sacrificed and everything she’s taught me. Not everyone is blessed with loving, generous and compassionate mothers. Mine is all that and more. She is my best friend.

I’m thankful, blessed and moved by her existence. I’m lucky to be able to take all she’s taught me and put it into raising my children.
So, thank you mommy. I love you more than I can put into words.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing Mommies!